tiki wiki lives again

I am counting down the days now (fingers crossed) until I move out of my parents’ and into my new home. My new home is made up of the perfect roommate, the perfect bathroom, the perfect kitchen and the perfect little doggie to compliment the perfect little backyard. It’s so perfect. Just for me. And the best part… it’s away from this awful awful place.

I’m 19, female, and looking to start over. I want to clean the slate. I’m moving to a different city, a different place, and I’m taking the plunge. I’m more than ready.

First; High school for me was just shitty. I was never your average girl even though I’ve been blessed with a more than decent bod and face. Beauty wasn’t always a complete issue for me, I mean besides the normal teenage insecurities. God did an alright job on me. Since I was little, I’ve always been very insecure and unhappy with what I have. It became serious when I was 12 and had a little suicide incident, followed by years of self-harm. The depression and anxiety were crippling, forcing me to go into home-schooling when I was 13. I became agoraphobic for a whole year, barely leaving my house besides goin into the backyard. I was really pale. Lol. When I did finally start high school with my peers , fitting in was a whole world of hurt for me. I was a big ball of emotion and fear that just couldn’t relate to anyone, no matter how hard I tried or didn’t try. There were a couple good people along the way of high school but not many.

When I met Jimmy he became my high school hero. He was in my year, in water polo, blonde, tan and fit. And better yet, he thought I was cool which was more than I could say about anyone in my whole high school. This meant a lot to me, to finally have a ‘cool’ genuine friend. Meeting and befriending Jimmy changed my outlook on high school; he just made it easier. Now I’m not saying school was awesome cus I met Jim, because it very much sucked until the day I graduated. But it gave me hope that maybe there actually were awesome people out there that wouldn’t mind my zits and awkwardness.

Fast forward a couple years, and here I am 3 semesters into college. I drink like a fish, smoke like a chimney, and my hotness is very noticable. I’m proud of my amazing tits. Running into Jimmy on campus was a godsend and now after about a year of corresponding, he’s offered me a room for $300 a month in the perfect little house with the perfect bathroom, the perfect kitchen, and the perfect little doggie to go with the perfect little backyard.

My hopes are that I move in by Thanksgiving *knock on wood* and am able to call the perfect little house my new home. *Sigh*

It seems so far away…

“Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I’m needy
Warm me up
And breathe me”

~Sia, Breathe Me

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